If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
