What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
