she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
