I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize