"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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