call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
