its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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