if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
