dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
