Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
