On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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