He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
