he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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