This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I would fuck him just for his dog
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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