Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
