remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
