I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
