Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
