I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
