how can u be prego again
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
