Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
