He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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