Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Floor bacon is actually really good
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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