I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Alive.
So much puke
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
