Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
