Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
