im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
