I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
