dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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