had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
