i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
birth control should be required to get into college
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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