we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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