My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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