I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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