At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
