Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Ladies don't puke and tell
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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