I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
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