why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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