Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
false alarm, still single
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
