absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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