your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
sex in a hospital.. check
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
