Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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