Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
