If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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