He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
