she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
