Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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