I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
