I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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