Me. At least after what I've been through.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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