no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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