Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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