apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
