great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize