we made out on top of his cat.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
