I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
