no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
