She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
