If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
