I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
