She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Randomize
