3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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