Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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