so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
