did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize