threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
