I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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