I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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