i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
