The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
