Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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