friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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